Feeling low

I’ve been waking up depressed again, which I absolutely hate because surely it’s not too much to expect to feel refreshed after a nights sleep? I wonder if it’s the change in seasons already? I feel like I’m wading through treacle today. A letter arrived from a debt collector. Looks like Lloyds have finally sold my debt on and he wants me to phone him to arrange partial settlement, whatever that means. I can’t face it today. Lloyds ignored several of my letters where I explained my health problems and included a letter from my doctor, so I’m going to ignore this one too. I know it’s not sensible but I really can’t deal with it. I only opened the letter because it was cunningly disguised as a normal, non bill type envelope. I made arrangements to pay £1 per month last year but never stuck to it. Isn’t that ridiculous? But filling out a direct debit form and posting it back is beyond me. Everytime I think about dealing with it I just curl up on the sofa and go to sleep again.

Last year I tried to get help from a social worker with all this, but they said no. I suppose I could try the citizens advice bureau again but it’s on the other side of town and I can’t face sitting in their waiting room. I don’t want to be around people.

Psychiatrist appointment coming up on Thursday which may account for me wanting to put my head in the oven right now.

God this is such a pity party post. I really need to just get off my bum and open this mail. Maybe tomorrow.


6 Responses to “Feeling low”

  1. Alison Says:

    I am beginning to think we are very alike… I can relate to the debts as well!

    Please take care and I really hope this depressive phase passes soon for you (((hugs))) x

  2. bippidee Says:

    I think debt and mental illness goes hand in hand. Managing finances tends to come way down on the list when making a cup of coffee has become a major acheivement lol.
    thanks for the support xx

  3. themaddentist Says:

    Hi, this makes awful reading because it is almost the same scenario I had 10 years ago when I was “kicked out” of Dentistry, No help from none.
    Take care, I got through it somehow but damn I remember the sh*t and know EXACTLY how you may feel.
    There are people out ther that care.
    Can I link to you????

  4. lola Says:

    Oh I love the way you judge your level of depression on your ability to operate a kettle too! For me it’s the “Tea Test”. If I can decide if i want a cup of tea, and am able to make it, then I consider myself able to pull it together and be productive. If the idea of having to combine ingredients in a mug has me pulling the covers over my head, then I know i’m in the bad place!
    I hope things ease up a little for you, just hang on in there, we are all rooting for you. Remember you can only do one thing at a time, its hard enough being depressed without life throwing you curve balls all the time.
    Lola x

  5. bippidee Says:

    thanks guys.
    alyn, abslolutely, link away.
    I made it out of the house and the fresh air helped a little, to the extent that i managed to do some hoovering this afternoon. It’s mornings which seem to be especially difficult right now. But i’ve had this depression long enough to know that it doesn’t last for ever. I’ll be fine. xx

  6. Alison Says:

    My debts where so bad at one point… I declared myself bankrupt 8 years ago, over £10,000 worth of debt with very little to show for it…

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