From murderous bitch to fluffy bunny, i love these pills!

Today is my third full day on Seroquel. I’m too stoned to post very much so am just checking in. I love this drug. My anxiety has disappeared for the first time in years. My face wants to smile all the time, unlike most days when random strangers usually tell me to cheer up. Why do they do that? Fortunately, I no longer feel an urge to push them down a steep hill, and am more inclined to give them a big wet kiss. This is definately not me!

The downside to numbing myself with an anti psychotic is that I am generally away with the fairies. My fingertips don’t even feel like they’re connecting with the keyboard right now. I’m sleeping most of the day and have awful stomach pains after eating. My nose is permanently blocked and I’m craving carbs when I wake up.

I was determined not to spend the day in bed and made it into town to buy a swimming costume today. I’m not going to let this pill cause any weight gain if I can help it. I just need to figure out how to stay awake in the pool lol. It’s a very strange feeling to crave food but not feel that I can be fecked to go to the shop and buy it. I haven’t binged in the last few days and not doing so hasn’t brought up the usual urge to cut.

I read the list of side effects with some dismay. Funny how the more intense a psychiatric drug is, the simpler the enclosed drug information becomes. I guess they don’t think anyone taking an anti psychotic is capable of understanding words of more than two syllabuls. For example it tells you to watch out for certain symptoms, without mentioning that they are signs that you have either tardive dyskinesia or NMS. I’m surprised they don’t just use emoticons and leave it at that. This pill good 🙂 May give bad tummy 😦 etc etc.

So, after nearly 20 years of various psychiatric treatments, I find myself on my first mood stabiliser. A step back or a step forward? Am I being given meds because it’s cheaper than therapy? Do I really need them at all? I’m not going to get into all that for the simple reason that last week I felt suicidal, and this week I can cope. And that’s enough for me right now.


3 Responses to “From murderous bitch to fluffy bunny, i love these pills!”

  1. Lola Snow Says:

    Doesn’t do to overanalyse the meds issue too much. If in a few months you think you shouldn’t actually be on them, well reassess the situation. For now just enjoy being calm and consider it a well deserved break from the sh*tness which you have been going through.
    Glad things are on the up
    Lola x

  2. myblackdogiscomingtogetme Says:

    hello, thanks for your comment, I’m going to see my therapist in a couple of weeks. It helps hearing from other people who know what you are going through. Visited your blog, it seems a good way to get things out, I’m new to all this but seeing it on the screen kinda helps. There is only so much I can keep dumping on my husband. take care tooxx

  3. confessionsxofxaxteenagexrockxchick Says:

    Ahh bless you!
    You know what, I absolutely hate it when random strangers tell me to cheer up! I’m glad I’m not the only one but I am sorry you get that too…it’s so irritating…!

    Hmmm…maybe the side effects will pass. I’m sure it’s nice to be feeling great now (wouldn’t we all want to be lol) but I doubt it’s good to be “away with the fairies” all the time…However, do what you think is best for you 🙂

    “I’m not going to get into all that for the simple reason that last week I felt suicidal, and this week I can cope. And that’s enough for me right now.”
    Totally. I’ve been there. Compared to how you’ve felt before, coping always seems to be enough doesn’t it.

    weezy xx

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