Just A Quick Update

Sorry for not being around of late. It’s been a very busy week for me, with trips back and forth from the hospital to visit my dad. He had his kidney removed on Tuesday and seems to be recovering well from the operation, although he’s still in a lot of discomfort. The nurses and doctors have been lovely, but he seems to be on a tour of the hospital at present. So far he’s spent time on 3 different wards, in addition to two days in high dependency. I suppose it’s a case of finding an available bed, but I worry about him being at more risk of catching a bug with all these moves. There are posters all over the place reminding us to wash our hands, and I’ve been very careful to do that. Unfortunately, some of the staff seem less able to remember. Four staff members came into the room whilst I was there. They all had direct physical contact with Dad, but only one used the gel wash. My step mum spends most of her visits cleaning the room with antiseptic wipes, because she’s paranoid about MRSA.

Unfortunately I woke up with a cold this morning, so won’t be able to visit Dad for a few days. Feeling poorly has got me thinking about mental health and physical symptoms. I’ve needed to put on my normal face all week. I can hardly moan to Dad about mood swings whilst he’s sat there with a morphine drip after all. What happens to all those negative thoughts and dark moods when they aren’t allowed to come out? I think they show themselves as stomach ache or eczema, or migraines etc. It’s like wearing a pair of big stomach shaping knickers. Sure, you get a nice flat tummy, but the fat has to escape somewhere else, usually the thighs lol.

And what about medication? Does it cure the anxiety or just block it? Is that why we get so many side effects? Quetiapine is causing me to feel like I’ve been wrapped in a nice fluffy blanket, but I’m getting spots and dry skin for the first time since my teens. I saw my pdoc this week, and she decided to keep me on it at the same dose for now. She was going to increase it but changed her mind after seeing how puffy my hands and ankles have become. She has also asked me to take part in some research into people who have bpd with psychosis. It will mean being taped in an interview. I said yes, because I’m rubbish at saying no, and also love a chance to moan about myself. However, on reflection, I decided that the research was actually into patients who try to fake symptoms, and that the tape would be watched by a crowd of laughing people. Yes, stupid I know. But I do feel like a fake. The voices have almost completely gone away since I started the Quetiapine, but, knowing me, I’d end up inventing a few rather than let the researchers down by not having anything interesting to say. Best say I’ve changed my mind rather than feel pressed to perform.

Btw, did any of you watch Blue Oranges on BBC4 this week? Just to set the record straight, being BPD doesn’t mean that we act like the patient in that show!

Well that’s what’s been happening with me. A boring update really. I’m going to snuggle down under the duvet now and have a sleep before watching X Factor. I’m not up to concentrating on anything right now, so Saturday night tv will be perfect.

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2 Responses to “Just A Quick Update”

  1. Lola Snow Says:

    Good to hear from you. Glad to hear your Dad is doing ok, is a bit of a nightmare that he’s being moved a lot. Not surprised you have a cold, you have probably been totally stressed out, and it’s got to come out in some way. Make sure you look after yourself matey, X factor and a duvet is definitely a good plan.

    I didn’t see Blue Oranges but now I’m gonna! Was it typical Media bollocks where someone mentally interesting met a sticky end, or was it the other end of the scale with the happily ever after: mad-person-comes-good-after-tough-struggle scenario? I dunno, have these producers never heard of black and white thinking??? The public must be very disappointed when they meet real life mentalists, must be a majorly banal let down! Do your bit to promote BPD asap! Go to the research and invent a whole cast of colourful symptoms!
    Take Care you
    Lola x

  2. Alison Says:

    Glad to see you back posting and I hope your Dad is doing okay. The amount of people I’ve witnesses in hospitals not washing there hands is unreal. I always go around cleaning for mum when she’s in those places!

    I didn’t see Blue Oranges but am now downloading it from BBC iPlayer… #

    Take care and I hope you are feeling better soon! x

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