In my past life I must have been a tortoise.

I think I am hibernating for the winter. It would be nice if someone could put me into a nice warm box filled with straw, and wake me up in March. Unfortunately my eating disorder insists I leave the house each day to forage for food in the ice cream aisles of Sainsburys. However, I spend the other 23 hours of the day nestling under fleecy blankets in my freezing cold flat (broken boiler), either asleep or watching daytime tv.

The Seroquel (quetiapine) helps a lot with this. Most days I can easily sleep until mid afternoon, with another hours nap at tea time. I don’t know if it’s the shorter days or a reaction to being so busy with dad’s illness recently, but all I want to do is sleep. And without fail I wake up shaking from weird and frightening dreams, which are definately down to the anti psychotics. Dad is improving fortunately. He’s back home recovering from having his kidney removed, and is being fussed over constantly by my step mum. We’ll need to wait a couple of weeks before we know if his lymph nodes were also cancerous, and it’s likely that he’ll be having chemo, but we’ll all face that when it happens.

Saturday is a big day for me. I’m attending the Rethink AGM in Leeds. For those who don’t know, Rethink is a mental health charity, which used to be primarily for schizophrenics, but now welcomes all those with a serious mental illness. I’m really looking forward to it, but am also scared witless. I’ll be meeting a couple of internet friends for the first time, and that’s nervewracking. Especially as I’ve gained even more weight and am now a humungous uk size 28. I made the mistake of going clothes shopping today and looked like Mrs Michelin in everything I tried on. I gave up in the end and bought some cheesecake lol.

I had to venture out on Monday to get my prescription from the doc. Unfortunately I had to see the resident clown, who is the gp equivalent of Ricky Gervais in The Office. He gave me 8 weeks of anti d’s but only 4 weeks of anti p’s. What’s the point of that? After I mentioned that the seroquel was really helping me, he said ”oh good you’re not ill anymore then”. Umm actually that’s the very reason that I’m on the pills. I’m sure GP’s receive a bonus for getting patients off incapacity benefit, because this guy trys to get me back to work every time I see him, and that’s regardless of what my usual GP may have written on my notes. He didn’t even bother to look up how much Seroquel I was on and just took my word for it (my previous prescriptions were from the hospital doc so weren’t on his screen).  Damn it I should have asked for some diazepam. Oh well.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on with me right now. To those of you who are passing by and reading my blog, I hope you’re all keeping well and staying safe. Take care xx

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3 Responses to “In my past life I must have been a tortoise.”

  1. Lola Snow Says:

    Good to hear from you bip, been thinking about you recently. Fantastically brave that you are going to the AGM. Don’t be worrying about the weight thing, they want to meet you, not weight you! Well done you for making plans, it’s not easy to get motivated if you’re trolleyed on meds, depressed, and have a sick Dad to worry about too. Take care matey,

    Lola x

    PS That Doctor sounds like an arse.

  2. Madsadgirl Says:

    I was beginning to wonder how you were as you hadn’t blogged for a while. Glad to hear that your Dad is recovering after the op and I hope that things turn out well.

    I, too, am making a foray into the big wide world with an audience as I am going to demonstrate a computer application as part of a presentation that my newly-retired GP is making to an audience of GPs. That really is a case of putting my head into the dragon’s mouth so keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow evening. Then on Saturday I have my first tutorial for one of my OU courses. I went to one for the other course a few weeks ago and it wasn’t a particularly good experience for me.

    I have also met a fellow blogger in the last couple of weeks and it was really great. I think it is easier meeting people who also suffer mental illness because they know how much of an ordeal going to such occasions is for you and can help to make the day a much better experience.

    I wish you well.

  3. bippidee Says:

    thanks guys. Lola he is indeed an arse, or a fuckwit (my favourite word at present).
    Madsadgirl good luck for tomorrow. You’re very brave.

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