Archive for December, 2008

Happy New Year

December 31, 2008

Happy New Year to whichever drone at the DWP thought it would help to send me an IB50 form on the last day of 2008. What a great way to end the year. However, I am determined not to fall into the trap of reflecting on what has gone wrong in the last 12 months. If I did I’d be spending the chimes of midnight on a railway line with a bottle of vodka, whilst listening to leonard cohen on my I-pod. ¬†Actually, that might be ok. Don’t the trains stop running early tonight? So, instead, here’s my list of what went well for me in 2008.

I started a blog! And more amazingly, I kept going with it. Thanks mostly to the occasional reminder from Lola to enquire where I am. Lola you are the Mr Motivator of wordpress. Thankyou xx

I didn’t stab any neighbours, push any old ladies over at Sainsburys, or take my clothes off and run down the high street. Those were all bad thoughts, not reality. However, I regard the thoughts about firebombing my local PC World as a failed opportunity.

I singlehandedly protected my local retail park from the economic slowdown.

I did the same for Ben and Jerries icecream.

And Pizza Hut.

I kept up with my friendships and maintained a close relationship with my Dad, despite the urge to hide in the house and wrap the phone in tinfoil.

I stopped watching Eastenders and within days was able to lower my dose of anti depressants.

I limited my online forum arguments to one per week, and got away with just one temporary suspension and no permanent bans!

On a more serious note, I survived the year. I didn’t become another statistic. And that’s something that all of us who live day to day with mental illness should congratulate ourselves on acheiving. Well done us!¬† May we continue into 2009, driving our GP’s up the wall, giving our CPN’s stress induced rashes and personally stealing the hard earned money of every saintly tax payer in the UK. Happy New Year everyone xxx

December 30, 2008

not doing too well right now. lots of problems filtering out noise. why do people whisper so loudly? keep mixing my meds up i think and taking too much effexor and not enough seroquel. or maybe not enough of both of them. don’t seem to have the right number of pills left until my next prescription but they might have got lost when i tidyed the flat.

xmas was ok. quiet but manageable. not sure why it’s suddenly gone tits up. stayed up all night then found myself on a bus this morning to the seaside. don’t really know why i did that. came home again without seeing the sea but i did get some bargains in the local woolworths before it shut. feel like i’m going quietly mad but i’m doing it behind a thick pane of glass where no one can hear me. i want to throw the pills away and cut but i have to stay in control until dad is better. his chemo starts in a couple of weeks. i hate him for making me stay alive. i hate the pills for turning me into a fake.

seasons greetings

December 14, 2008

Dashing through the ward, thinking i’m a spy.
O’er the beds I jump, making nurses fly.
Students running scared, named nurse starts to cry
Oh what fun it is to be on a psych ward when you’re high.

Jingle Bells, my shrink smells
So I ran away.
Crisis Team said times are lean,
so we can’t come today.

Jingle Bells, my doc yells,
You’re so bpd
Punched him in the bollocks
and went back home for tea.

Trying to see the GP

December 10, 2008

My local surgery looks amazing. It moved out of the old, rather squalid and prone to flooding terraced house and into a superduper purpose built surgery last year. There’s a nice big waiting room, plasma tv showing Jeremy Kyle, and a special screen to book yourself in without having to annoy the receptionists. There are 9 gp’s in the practice, along with three nurses and several care assistants. They even have a new agey type bloke come in to do alternative health sessions. Fantastic! But if you want to get an appointment you’ll have to join the queue on the phone at 8am.

Now, on one side, releasing appointments on the day is a great idea. No more having to wait five days to see a doctor when you’re dying of flu. But ask anyone on anti psychotics what they are doing at 8am and they’ll tell you they are either fast asleep in a pool of drool or trying to do a runner from A&E before the on call pdoc finishes his breakfast and arrives to section them. The last thing they will be doing is ringing their gp.

But what about reasonable adjustments I hear you cry? Or perhaps not if you’ve never heard of them. Well, Gp surgeries are supposed to offer these adjustments to any patient with a disability. That means that, where possible, they provide a quiet place to sit and wait, an understanding that talking to yourself doesn’t mean you’re about to stab the receptionist, and flexibility when it comes to making appointments.

Unfortunately the computer at my surgery says no. So it looks like I’ll be staying up all night on Thursday in order to see my own doctor the next morning. He only works Friday at my local surgery and I’m really not up to making two bus journeys to find him at the other one. He is insistant that I see him rather than another doc, and this is the last chance I’ll have for a chat before Xmas, a stressful time for me. So this week I shall be going to see him armed with a booklet from Rethink, entitled Reasonable Adjustments and your local gp surgery. Perhaps between us we can persuade that computer to be nicer to me in future.