Well I made it there for 9am which was an acheivement in itself. Whether there was any point is another matter. The assessment was done by a trainee social worker, with her boss sat in with us. They basically just went through stuff which is all on my notes anyway, a brief history of my madness through the ages. A lot of the questions seemed to be leaning towards a way of offloading me onto someone else, such as ”have you ever thought of doing any courses at Mind?”, ”have you ever thought of doing any nightcourses anywhere else?”, ”so you have two friends who are a good support?”. No I don’t want to go to Mind as all their courses here are based at getting back into employment which I don’t want to do. No I can’t currently do any nightcourses because I don’t have the confidence or money and don’t like going out at night into town. And yes I have two fantastic friends but they don’t live anywhere near me and also have mental health issues of their own, which I don’t want to trigger by offloading my problems onto them.
They will discuss me at their team meeting on Tuesday and then will get back to me within the week. I’m pretty certain I will be referred back to my gp and will perhaps be given a medication review by a psychiatrist over at Bootham, our local hospital.
I probably came across as far too aware and together. The only time I showed emotion was when they asked about childhood, which is a difficult subject for me, and my leg betrayed me by shaking throughout. I didn’t tell them about my urges to selfharm and I didn’t really say how bad the suicidal thoughts are right now. It’s hard to be truthful when you are expecting to be rejected though.
So we’ll wait and see.